Mom Loves You Best by Cathy Cress

Author:Cathy Cress
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780882824222
Publisher: New Horizon Press

Chapter 7

Step Number Six: Find Ways You Can Make Yourself Happy and Value Your Sibling

Change is one of the steepest slopes we climb. It means going against lifelong patterns. You have already shown an appetite for change and stopped reliving the bad moments of your old sibling relationship. You began a conversation with yourself about how you were hurt in the past and have measured how your sibling has altered or stayed the same in the present. Now we are going to look at another possible transformation. We would like you to consider how you yourself may have changed.

To switch to a better mind-set where you can heal, we previously suggested that you become your own caregiver and start therapeutic activities. Now that you have begun walking that new mountain road, we would like you to chart your current success. Before you approach your sister or brother and tell him or her your “I Hate You” story, you need to measure your own positive feelings.

Therapeutic Activities to Prepare You to Contact Your Estranged Sibling

Our ultimate goal is to end your suffering on the journey of your life. Instead of scowling at a digital picture of yourself and pushing the delete button, we want you to look at your image on the way up the incline and say, “What a great photo of my achievement!” With these new upbeat feelings you will find the courage to tell your “I Hate You” story to your brother or sister. In order to have that self-confidence about yourself in your present life, you must dedicate some time to your own reconditioning. Massage, exercise, journaling and meditation were some healthy choices you might have made to support your own renewal. We asked you to pick at least one activity, then start it within a week. Hopefully you are developing a fitter lifestyle through walking, yoga or a good personal choice that helps you feel physically stronger and more emotionally centered. The end result should have been less anger, anxiety and stress. This new attunement to your well-being should help you mindfully approach and talk with your sibling.

How Other Siblings Change Themselves Before Telling Their “I Hate You” Stories

Let’s consider the progress of siblings whose stories we discussed in previous chapters.

Ted’s transformation shows how he’s caring for himself. He’s dedicated time and energy to his health by joining a gym. After some historical sleuthing, he sees the big picture of his family’s past. But when his sibling wound isn’t cauterized by his own private efforts, he seeks counseling. The marriage and family therapist Ted chooses tells him he still is “stuck” in his rage and resentment over what happened with his brother long ago. Seeing him once a week, the therapist attempts to break up the emotional scar tissue. She helps him better understand how his immature, ill-prepared mother put too much pressure on his older brother, resulting in John’s emotional explosion. Ted begins to accept the universal view of his family history. Yet, even with

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